Its a New Year

I now have 6 months under my belt. I have been here, and adjusted.
I miss my friends. As expected, those that have moved on, good luck to you. I realize its inevitable.
I dont like that I cant throw my parties, and have yall round. But, as the movie says, the "Dude abides"
Just wanted to give a huge Thank You- to those that have stuck with me through this move and understood that, even though I am not there in physical status, I will always be there in mental-

I dont think I ll come out of this move with as many  people I thought were my friends, but those that stick, my life is owed.
I love you

With all of my love  

Pandor- so miss you

I fell head over heels in love with Pandora. The actual moment in my adult life when I was giddy with something intangible ..yet so encompassing.
I am sure it sounds a bit odd. But that is ok. I found myself, found who I was and what I can deal with listening to Pandora.
A time in my life that was so crazy, dizzying and full of fear. Pandora helped. I found Mos Def again, and my Kid Cudi.The Blow, MGMT..M.I.A....oh so many I cant keep my Ipod charged enough. I love love love finding new bands. Even if they are old- or something I have just forgotten about.
Pandora needs to be in England-and that is that.
I will write to my MP...or someone!!! Ill send them emails everyday, with sad pictures of me and my Ipod..or lack of creativity due to lack of good music.I will prevail oh yes.

BRING PANDORA TO UK!!!!

Giving away those tender pieces..

It amazes me..well I guess it shouldnt. Those that stand before you or people around you feeling so high and mighty, when in reality, they are no better. I try every day to not judge.To not become jaded and worry only of my circle. My circle...you tell a tender piece of thought. It is your thought, and no one elses. You think to share this morsel, and it to be analyzed, sure. Understood, hopefully. Considered, of course. Because you are telling those few in your circle whom you trust..you expect respect and loyalty.
I have been told I am incorrect in my thought process of the way our mind works.By several people. Wrong? Who is wrong? Arent we all allowed to believe how we want. And especially those with in that circle you have enveloped yourself with, those with in it should encourage and give support..sigh. Science, chemicals and yes, I believe in the things that go bump in the night.. haven't explained them yet, but I know they are there...or well I think they are there.From my family, I am the black sheep. And that is fine, because the ones in my family that truly love me, still love me. And dont judge..those very few that I love ;) All of this have been discussed.On many many occasions, in different settings...with my circle of beings that I have grown quite fond of. Most have  listened to, some have analyzed...but considered.No
Its a good thing I think, to have a variety in your circle. Provides constant thought and possible ideas to a whole knew process of thinking. But after 30 years, you would think by now..there were some consideration.
I know my friends love me, and I them. Are my ideas that far fetched? Is my thoughts on love, karma and jelly beans that wrong??
All in all, the people I allow and allow me around their circle, are great and amazing. But I think my "human expectation" level gets me in to trouble.
I used to say that, and still do...my H.E. level is too high. Im sure it sounds like I am putting myself on a pedestal, trust me, I am not. Everyone has their own expectations. You can be hard and say, nope not me, I dont expect shit from anyone..Dont give me that.
We all want love, we all want acceptance, and we all want people we can trust. Trust..what a hard word to even imagine this day in age. You think, Aha! I found it!! But alas, you most likely didnt. I trust very very few people now days. And I think that plays it smart...

 It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it

But there is that expectation, that everyone has. But am I  to assume that its different for everyone? Now, I have lived my life by a few hands down must do's. Especially in my family, in my small town.And one is never say something about anyone that you wouldn't say to their face. So I have not tread on feet, but again, is this my expectation level gone sky high? To expect it to be done vice versa?? Tsk tsk...Pepper, you should know better!!
And now, does my distrust make my jaded ..Oh see there you go, I knew it...self come out?
Sigh, I guess, at the end of the day, you have those you want in your life, and those you dont, So, I can always say thanks Momma, for teaching me to cut someone out of your life in a split second, with out ever looking back...

bubbling, a tickling of ...oh look sparkley

I would like to list my unknowns that are bubbling at a low simmer...just to get them out and about..
Maybe airing them will give life to a solution, or maybe conclusion?
1. Im 30, and clueless to what I want to be..
2. I have a severe in-ability to stay focused, I am now 10 second Tom on most days.
3. Why does my sense of what looks good one day, looks crap the next??? (this is getting to be an expensive unknown as well!)
4. Why do I always listen to others, and try sooo hard to not make a movie out of what they are saying, yet a 10 min conversation has turned into a 2 hour movie!!! Complete with period costumes, accents and music.
5. Fridays make me 2 second Tom..I literally can not connect a sentence to save my life...
6. I stutter sometimes, like when starting out a sentence. I see it all playing in my head..but just can not get it out.
7. I have become extremely passionate about music, I search and listen. Anything I can get my hands on. This is not so much a worry, but a very drastic change from a few months ago.
8.I have thankfully stopped drinking so much, but now, when I do..Its a lot in one sitting. ...ugh and hangovers.I never used to get hangovers. So now on my binge Friday...Saturday is no fun :(
9. I used to be quite bad about staying in, now Im terrible! Me and R stay in most weekends. WE love it. But how do our friends feel?? Is it wrong to stay in?? Im not sure now days? The playstation, movies, reading, blogging, taking photo's, researching (my absolute favorite besides music btw..), I mean there is a plethora of things to do!!! But is lack of Vitamin D making a third tail or horns grow?
10. My indecisiveness.I can not make a decision if ...well if a horse was dragging me down the road and I had to decide if it was a knaw your foot off or ..idk scream for help type thingy..see I just kinda start to drift.
Sigh...So these things dont make me scared or worried I guess...maybe its just nice to lay it all out, well some of it anyway. Just a few things tickling my brain on some days...why am I this way???
11. I want to touch, smell, hold, see EVERYTHING. Im a collect whore when it comes down to it all. I may loose interest after a bit, but for the brief period that it holds my eyes, I love finding new things, and learning how things work..Discovery Channel junkie-
However, if I wasnt, then who the hell would I be! ;)

Tonight's gonna be a Good Good Night

I have thoughts, like literally 2 or 3 times an hour, of what i am missing out on back home. The people that I interacted with every day; I miss yall. I miss the food, the mentality and the process of daily life.

Things back in Texas were so simple, and not being anything but descriptive..Slow...
The way of life here is work work work, and work some more. And I thought Americans worked alot.
Im still unsure of the actual pay off from all the working, but I know Im doing it!
I have always taken pride in my work, and I still do here. As with any job, you have OCD like me, then the "temp" state of revulsion...and as it did in the ville, it still PISSES ME OFF.

I know that I am working to make sure I have a better life, and that my husband does too. I wake up at 5:50 AM every morning, grateful. Most times with a smile on my face (if not a smile, then a bit o grimace from bad back, but then a smile)...and I love it. I love being here, love working hard and love knowing that Im doing my best to make sure this visa goes through.
I miss my friends, as I said, but I think they would want me happy to.
I wish I could express my gratitude for such awesome friends. But I know yall know it, so send me some Big Red and Ranch...and lemon grass Dove bar soap lol!!!